Your TV Is Rotting Your Brain

I caught this new show on ABC over the weekend. It's a gameshow called "Downfall", where the contestant tries to win prizes while standing on the edge of a ten story building by answering trivia questions posed by a professional wrestler. Get the questions wrong and risk falling off a building. The setup of the show features a large conveyor belt that drops prizes, up to and including vehicles, off the edge of the building.

Am the only person so fucking disturbed by this?

Don't get me wrong. I love destruction. It's the American way. But ABC is funding a television show where millions of dollars worth of useable goods are being destroyed in the name of entertainment. It's funny.

Imagine though, being the guy that doesn't get to be on the show. He's 25 or 30. Married. Couple of kids. Works his ass off to do it the right way in the worst economy he's known, and still can't get ahead. He's lucky it's January, because he had to put the food on the back porch when the refrigerator kicked. He turns on the TV to get away from things for an hour and tunes in just in time to see Chris Jericho drop a fucking Frigidaire off the roof.

Look, i've been called a lot of things, and "compassionate" has never been one of them. My point is, this stuff is giving us a false sense of reality. There are real people that can't get one date, let alone have 10 people compete for it. There are real people living in shacks on islands, and they're not vying for a million dollars. And there are real people that don't have refrigerators.



This post paid for by Frigidaire.

This Is What Your Kids Are Doing

We live in an awesome time. A time where everybody knows everthing about everyone. We post our lives on the interwebs, so it's easy to figure out who's doing the sex to who. Your kid's a slut.






I'd also like to point out that I don't know these people, but it's still awesome.

ATTENTION!

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a meteorologist (or a weatherman). Unfortunately in my day, video cameras were expensive and/or the size of a Volkswagon. Today, the kids can make their own weather reports on the cheap. And that is good. Because now we have this.


And while i'm making fun of this poor kid, I might as well just leave this here.

Zeus: "Where Is Your God Now?"

The super-famous "King of Kings" (redirected from "Kevin James") statue in Ohio was struck by lightning this week. "God works in mysterious ways" is not an excuse to electrocute your son. Whatever JC did, it couldn't have been that bad. Visual LOLs below.

The Road To Stardom

I always said I'd love to be an actor, even if I was an extra my entire career (I mainly felt this way after playing the role of "Hobo #2" in my high school production of Little Shop Of Horrors), but scanning through IMDB i've seen some credits that, let's be honest, i'd rather just not have attatched to my name.

As if playing "Creepy Hand" wasn't bad enough, you also have a credit for Air Buddies.



Only appropriate if life actually imitates art.



You absolutely cannot give up acting after one role. Even if it was this one.



I would say this is the worst, but let's be fair. He was never given the opportunity to make a comeback.






*Somebody else found these. I stole em.

Open Letter To Guy That Broke Into My Car

Dear Guy,

Thank you for breaking into my car in the middle of the night. I understand that with the economy the way it is, it's damn near impossible to find a real job to make money. I understand the anguish you must be going through, being without smack for any number of days. I only hope that the $25 you may get for my 3 year old Samsung digital camera is enough for a 3-hour bender. I know that times are hard, seeing how pawn shops no longer accept digital cameras because they are often stolen (I hope you knew that before stealing mine!). My only regret is that you didn't help yourself to any of the number of CD's laying on the passenger seat. I guess that's what I get for never buying an iPod! Bet you wish you had one of those, huh? I also thank you for not slamming the door and waking my family; you were kind enough to close it enough so that my dome light wouldn't burn out! How queer! In return for your love and compassion, I leave this poem I wrote. I hope it is enough.


Dear guy who broke into my truck
Thank you for stealing my stuff
I hope you can use it
And never abuse it
And someday I'll repay you by breaking into your trailer and killing your family.


Love and respect,
Nash

Trojans Should Have Used Better Protection

The NCAA has ruled that the athletic department at USC displayed a "lack of institutional control" over a five year span involving a number of violations in men's football and basketball and women's tennis. Among the penalties, the USC football program loses 30 football scholarships over the next three years and a post-season ban for the next two. They also vacate all wins from December 2004 through the 2005 season including their National Championship win against Oklahoma. And while all of this is falling down around Lane Kiffin, Pete Carroll is laughing all the way to the Starbucks (because he's in Seattle). Pete Carroll redefined "getting out of Dodge" when he left what may have been a career job for an NFL gig in Seattle. He knew shit was going to go down, so instead of dealing with a team that can't technically win anything, his biggest problem now is keeping Golden Tate out of the maple bars.